I hate flying cockroaches
Flying Cockroaches
Being scared of cockroaches, that’s kind of a girly thing. Cockroaches in themselves don’t bother me much but the problem starts when you attach flying freaking wings to those horrendous stuff and I am man enough to admit that. Imagine your worst, most hated animal, like snake or spider and now give them the power to fly. Those animals that you hated, now just became 100 times more scarier. Who knew attaching those same flying appendages on an animal determines whether they turn out to be the devil or an angel. Imagine dogs or hamsters flying and you’d think angels, now imagine those brown creepy crawlies flying…urgh….even thinking about gives me goosebumbs.
I mean these things have not 2, not 4, 6 FREAKING LEGS and still evolutionary biology thought ‘you know in addition to the gross looks, terrible hygiene habits, 2 antennas and 6 legs, let’s give them two bonus wings as well, because what’s a more perfect revenge on humans for messing up the environment than turning the unanimously most hated species that ever walked this earth, the ability to fly.’
American Cockroaches 101
Did you know they are known as American cockroaches, the irony that Americans won’t let us fly into their country and yet here their cockroaches are freely flying, settling and making families in India because they love our humid climate. These pest fairies have the mid-guts to be unafraid of humans and can easily make nest at your homes.
The Flying Cockroaches Doomsday
Now you might think that my hatred for flying cockroaches might be a bit irrational, so let me provide you with a harrowing backstory. It was back when my colleagues and bosses still had some respect for me, I was giving the most important presentation of my career. I had worked my blood, sweat and tears into this and honestly I knew beforehand that I was going to nail this and get transfer to the London branch. I had my passport made from Tolichowki, had checked out the direct flights from Rajiv Gandhi International Airport to Heathrow.
The day was a perfect June sunshine (later I found out that June to September are the party months for flying cockroaches), the clients from UK came to our office complex at Banjara Hills in an upbeat mood and the presentation went smoother that butter on hot toast. Then lunchtime came, my mother’s tiffin box was raved about throughout the office especially her local Hyderabadi cuisine like mutton biryani, haleem, qubani ka meetha. So to add an extra layer of butter for my promotion, I had my mom make us lunch. It was going swell, as the Brits say, till Samantha opened one of the tiffin containers to fetch some more biryani.
And just like IED, the tiffin box detonated with four cockroaches flying out of it. Maybe it’s my PTSD but next few minutes I don’t remember very clearly except that the entire conference room were either standing on chairs, tables or hiding underneath the table. I distinctly remember the sound of a professional opera singer piercing my eardrums only to later realise it was my own screams as I swatted those cockroaches on airplanes.
Pest Control Solution and Demotion
It’s safe to say I didn’t get the promotion, in fact from what my boss told me I should feel glad that I didn’t get fired. My company instead hired the best pest control in Hyderabad and gifted (a gift I wasn’t allowed to refuse) our house with a year of cockroach control service. So yes, my hatred for those brown-winged pests is very much justified since now I am an office outcast and people make wing hand signs behind my back.
